My deepest fear

Credit: The European Space Agency (ESA).

Every human being has a black hole in her heart. What is looming in the black hole in the center of your heart? Specters of past pain and shrouded scars?

What is your deepest fear?

To be seen as you really are or to be ignored?

Are you afraid of the selfishness and aggressiveness that pulls on the very fabric of your inner space? Perhaps the intense love and compassion emanating from your heart frightens you the most?

I will tell you about my journey into the darkness of my heart, and what I discovered to be my deepest fear.

I journeyed into my heart. In the distance, I could perceive the black hole. For a long time, I circled around it. To gain the courage to cross its event horizon. Finally, necessity won over hesitancy.

I felt I had to face whatever was veiled in my heart; a heavy mass warping my understanding of myself and reality.

It took time before I understood what was manifesting inside the black hole. What was unfolding in my inner space at any second was projected onto the interior walls of the black hole.

I saw my thoughts, memories, feelings, past and current pains, and insecurities. Simultaneously, I experienced what I witnessed with every atom in my body.

I even saw alternative versions of myself, my life, and the evolution of life on Earth.

But what affected me the strongest in the different lives were all the people I had around me. The people I love and care about. All the scenes of human relationships, displayed inside the black hole, made me realise my deepest fear.

How a word could hurt someone and leave a scar for life. How one look could lift or sink a human’s sense of worth. I experienced how vulnerable we all are.

But that is not my deepest fear.

Credit: Henze/NASA. Source.

The flickering scenes inside the black hole revealed something more horrifying about humankind: the massive power we all have to influence each other. And vice versa, no one can escape the pull of other people’s power to influence the curvature of one’s inner space.

Just like the distribution of mass/energy and curvature of space influence each other.

What other sentient being out in the universe would have the strength and stamina to live every day with the human dependence on other people’s malice or benevolence, neglect or affirmation?

In the black hole, I realized with full clarity the horror and magnitude of our power to influence and our vulnerability to be influenced:

A single human being can mean life or death to another human being.

Do we realize the power we all possess? Are we aware of how powerfully we influence each other with our words, our body language, and our actions?

And if I am aware of my power, do I use it responsibly?

My deepest fear on the journey into the black hole of my heart was the answer to that question.

I sensed I was approaching the singularity of the black hole in the center of my heart.

Toward the singularity of the black hole, I saw a human fetus. It hovered and looked peaceful. Harmonious. The fetus opened its eyes, looked at me. I experienced its words:

What is your deepest fear? To live or die? To succeed or fail? Does it frighten you that you are fully responsible for your choices?

As a human being, you are powerful. No one can take that power away from you. You can only lose your power if you give it away to someone or something.

Your deepest fear is your own power.

But you need to understand that it is your pain and vulnerability that are the source of your power. Human is a vulnerable being and therein lies her greatest strength.

Do not be afraid of your own vulnerability and pain. Try to understand it and embrace it. If you understand and acknowledge your own pain, you can understand and acknowledge another human’s pain.

When you are no longer afraid of your own vulnerability, you will no longer judge other people for their vulnerability. When your own pain no longer determines you, then no human can control you.

If you have the curiosity and courage to journey into your black hole, then it will be easier to visit other human hearts. It will be easier to distinguish between what is your own and another human’s insecurities.

Image courtesy of the Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestrial Physics.

When two vulnerable hearts can meet without fear of being judged, then life-changing things can happen. Your mutual influence on your respective inner spaces can transform past trauma, fear, and pain.

Your deepest fear is your power to influence others and your dependence on how other people use their power to influence you.

Focus on the former.

Your responsibility is to be aware of your own power and how it influences your fellow humans in every interaction and situation.

So, escape this well of gravity. Journey back to your world and use your power wisely.

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J T

J T

BA in philosophy. Currently working on a Bsc in sociology. Some nights, an armchair commentator on the UFO issue and its existential implications.